The joke is solid but if those are spoon tomatoes then next year you’re getting over ran by them. They’re self propagating and spread like a weed. Third summer in a row of not planting them and they still come back with a vengeance.

Matrix chat has bridges that let you link a number of chat services like sms, facebook messenger, instagram messenger, slack, and a lot more. It’s no trillian but it’s as close to a modern equivalent that I think you’ll get.