I’m from Oklahoma. Let me give you an overview of our seasons, beginning with

Spring: Starts mild, ends warm. Thunderstorms, hail, tornadoes, and flooding are the main stories here.

Summer: Hot and muggy throughout. No clouds, rain, wind, relief. All you can do is make your clothes wet. Sometimes, I just point a leaf blower up my shirt. And at my testicles. I take cold showers all summer. It’s about the only way I can cool down enough to get some sleep.

Autumn: It’s like spring, but in reverse. Thunderstorms and tornadoes do happen, but rarely are they strong.

And finally - Winter: Nothing happens in a typical winter. It might snow a couple times in Central OK. And that’s really it. Once or twice every decade, we might get a historic winter storm. But most years are super uneventful and mild. It freezes most nights in deep winter, but only just.

In short, all four seasons are trying to kill you, but winter isn’t trying that hard. Spring and autumn are briefly nice. The average temperature might be 72, but what’s being left out is that it could be 91 on Monday, 49 on Wednesday, and 87 on Saturday. Or it could be between 65 and 75 all week. You never truly know until you get there.

At least it’s not, say, Iowa. I know for a fact their summers are almost as hot as ours, but their winters are waaaaaayyyyy colder.

I’ve tried to tell my wife many times that it is just as hot and humid here as it is where she’s from in Mississippi. Dew point is dew point, no matter where you are. It’s just that the humidity here goes away sooner and stays away for longer. And we don’t typically get tornadoes on Thanksgiving or Christmas. The southeast definitely does.

Anyway, we vacationed in Seattle last September, and - cost of living be damned - now I want to live there. If not for the weather, then at least for the seafood. But I love my nieces and nephews too much to be that far from them.

I gave 100% for the first maybe hour, then gave up on the rest of my day. So that averages out to like 12.5%.

She told me she didn’t want to hire me but was outvoted. That she really stuck her neck out for me by even letting me come on.

She never trained me to do my job. Just handed me the manuals, told me to read them, then expected near perfection. Never provided any real guidance. Never actually assigned more than a couple tasks to me, then nagged me because I wasn’t doing enough. She made me feel singled out. Like nobody else in the office liked me either.

My dog died in March of '19. I barely got any empathy from her. I turned in my two weeks in early May. I was one more write up from being fired anyway. When I handed her my resignation letter, she looked at me and said, “Are you sure?” I meant to say, “Are you fucking really asking me that?” Instead, I just coldly said, “Yes.” Turned my back, and walked out of her office. I kept my head down for the next couple weeks, collected my last paycheck, and rapid fired applications for the next few months.

Fuck you Sarah. I hope you lose your car keys just badly enough that your morning takes an extra fifteen minutes every day for the rest of your life.

Look, it’s not “all you can eat.” It’s "all you can eat."

“You” is not the subject noun, it’s “all.” You refers to the group of people. The buffet is open to the public, and any paying member of the public may eat. Your honor, the phrase has been misinterpreted all along. It was never about allowing any one person to eat until they no longer can, but about allowing any paying customer to eat the food offered at the buffet.

I rest my case.

Whoa, that’s a double nostalgia, all the way. Oh my god, whooo!!

“What’s wrong, Doc?”

“Here’s your problem. She doesn’t have any toppings. No relish. No chili. Nothing. It’s no surprise she didn’t last a minute in Flavortown.”

“Damn it! I’ve been a fool!”

Once all of the fuller bottles are depleted, we’re gonna see some exponential growth in the bottle population.

If I don’t have a long enough stretch of time to do it all at once, I ain’t starting it.

But seriously, getting medicated has done wonders for being able to start multi-day projects. I’m learning VBA right now because I want to automate some of my processes at work. I’m finally cool with starting something I can’t finish today. Generally, I want my code to do some fairly specific and complex things. So I’m happy to spend a few hours tweaking a block to make it do exactly what I want, and it feels so good when it works as expected. But before getting on meds? Nah, I wouldn’t even entertain the idea because I wouldn’t know where to start. Medicine helps me draw up an outline of what I want to do with my code, then achieve those tasks bit by bit.

And that’s applied across everything I do. It’s okay to not finish today. But it’s important to start.

Wait until you try bacon grease. Y’all are in for a real treat.

I can put my life in danger. I can put your life in danger. But I draw the line when you put my life in danger.

Still got my PS3. What a great console. Uncharted just has no business looking as good as it does running on hardware as old as the PS3 and being nearly twenty years old.

They do, in fact, have wheels.

Source: the humans I’ve seen.

Watch out. That’s how you create a Slackware user.

I live in Oklahoma. Everything this man says is true. Real shithole, this part of the country. That and the shit schools are what make the houses so cheap.

If you live in Moore, don’t blink. You might miss the tornado sweeping your house away. Again.

OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!

Them: Be there or be square!

Me:

jk, nobody invites me to things

“It costs $400,000 to fire this weapon…for twelve seconds.”

Elastic deformation is for peasants.

That’s not an apples to apples comparison. I am buying a single thing at a pump: fuel. I boop my card. I stick nozzle in hole. I pull lever until it stops. Vending machines? Second verse same as the first. I boop card. I push button. I take chippies, I walk away. Vending machines specifically are purpose-built for self-service.

I spend maybe 30 seconds to 3 minutes at these things. The only work I do is tapping my payment and pressing a button or two. Groceries are a whole different animal. It’s scanning, weighing, coding, bagging, loading, and paying. It’s a fuckton more involvement by the customer. I don’t think you can in good faith compare self-checkout to a vending machine.

The business is incentivized to trick you into performing labor for them. Part of the cost of my groceries is for someone to have a job doing that. If I’m gonna do that labor for the store, I should get an employee discount, at least.