This person has nice hair I wish that I could have hair like that

https://thebestmotherfucking.website/

I REFRAIN FROM THE PRACTICE OF UTILIZING MINISCULE SPEECH. EACH AND EVERY INSTANCE OF MY EXPRESSION IS VAST AND VERBOSE AND MAXIMAL.

A while ago my wife showed me her peregrine. I didn’t understand at first. I didn’t really want to get close to it because its beak looks sharp. Turns out it’s pretty nice though. They are very trainable and excel at hunting. The peregrine falcon is the fastest animal on the planet.

Sometimes I wish that I was into sports, it seems very fun! I feel like I would need to know people irl who are into sports in order to get into sports though. Are sports memes a big thing? I feel like those should/could be a big thing.

Woah it’s big!

That wasn’t very nice…

Gee I sure hope not

I want one of these for my pressure cooker

It is my firm belief that any ethical culture should have a legally mandated “no, fuck off” button. You can keep the “no, thanks” or “maybe later” buttons but the “no, fuck off” button must be displayed prominently alongside them.

It’s not possible for a planet to explode! And if it was then the empire didn’t do it. And if they did then it was only because Alderan started it. And if they didn’t then they still deserved it.

I am sleepy, goer of to bed. I do battle with the modern world in the form of this phone that I cannot put down. It is simply too captivating. The steady march of time leads my thoughts to increasingly radical and negative patterns. My mind cannot be trusted in the bedtime hours.

I am the worst. A hollow shell playing at being human with no regard for the damage it will cause. My every action rings hollow against the world and everyone can see it. They know that I have no soul. Of all existence I am a wretch too cowardly to live yet too afraid to die.

Time is a two dimensional force. One axis represents “time” as we commonly experience. The other represents the amount of starch in my stomach. Consumption of potatoes (especially fried potatoes) creates a divergence point into multiple timelines. This is why I was late to my meeting this morning.

No I am the best. Everything that I do is good because it is something that I have done. Everything that I am part of is better for having me be a part of it. This power is available to you, should you have the will to believe it. No action of heaven or earth is for my detriment because all things work together for my good.

My employer takes my SURPLUS VALUE in the form of PROFITS but I am a REAL PATRIOT so I don’t believe in HANDOUTS or TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION so I ROSE UP with my buddies in order to institute workplace DEMOCRACY.

Upside is this is a really good deal for the price. Downside is I didn’t expect there to be so many crabs

I don’t know why we’d want to

Having my first child taught me the crucial skill of delegation. Prior to this I carried that child around for nine months, but I didn’t let that get in the way of things. I never missed a meeting, not even during labour. I’m still working upwards of 12 hours per day and that’s because I know how to market my child. When a company grows, the founder and leaders are rewarded. The same is true of children. At only four months old my child has a projected net worth of 20 million, and I have crowds of investors looking for a place in their life. Creating market value is a key aspect of a child that many first-time parents overlook.