Weird

I’ll honor the final wishes of the dead man: no empathy for Charlie Kirk. It’s not really consistent with my moral code, but his family is going through a lot right now, and I’m sure they’d appreciate anyone who pays tribute to his values, right?

Interesting thought, but humans didn’t harm the life that became fossil fuels, most of which came from plant matter anyway. I’m not in a position to unilaterally declare something vegan, but I’m pretty sure fossil fuels are vegan by default.

Sure, its use can harm animals. Still, I could kill a mouse with a cucumber, but it wouldn’t change the fact that cucumbers are vegan.

I heard that in the tune of “Turn down for what.”

How about kilo-klick?

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To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.

Off topic, but are you related to Miss Cellaneous?

His name is Mr. MacGuffin, but we call him “Guffy” for short.

Did you just use the word, “patent?” Oof. That’s gonna cost ya.

He’ll drop a $16M MOAB onto a canoe with a gram of weed in it if it distracts from the Epstein Files for five minutes.

“Oh, those? Why they’re over at [Redacted], and they clearly show [Redacted], [Redacted], [Redacted], [Redacted], [Redacted] and Bill Clinton involved in trafficking victims whose names, photos, home addresses, workplaces, license plate numbers, and SSNs are as follows…”

You’ve done your company a great service, and we thank you and we trust you found the compensation satisfactory.

Oh, the money’s fine.

The situation’s totally unacceptable.

Well, gentlemen, I guess that just about wraps it up.

Where is the miscellaneous account?

I thought we’d settled that.

The miscellaneous account is somewhere very safe.

From whom?

The account is a source of important funding and it has to be internally audited.

And it will be, I assure you, Mr. Brody,

Dr. Jones.

We have top men working on it right now.

Who?

TOP…MEN

I vote this comment most internet of the day.

Is that you, Ken M?

Rockstar always gets me.

“Okay, so is it cool if I roll out of bed around noon, pound a 40, and come to work for a few hours while expecting a high salary and constant praise?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then, in your own words, why don’t you tell me what you think a rockstar is. Is the rockstar in the room with us right now?”

Speak for yourself

Zuckerberg charges Zuckerberg with crime. Jury shrugs, offers death penalty.

The weirdest thing is that it wouldn’t be the first time a party has sued itself.

Yeah, Nominative Determinism is sus at best.